Acceptance

OK. I'm sorry I haven't put up those blogposts I promised about what I had learned last week today. Or yesterday. I was busy, but not the justifiable kind of way. So, I honestly don't have an excuse.

But, here's a lil' something for today:

There's this guy whom I've known for about three years, and in these three years we have shared--getting to know each other and other stuff--we've sarcastically and hypocritically labeled our relationship under the "It's complicated" category. Sarcastically, because we're not in an actual relationship. Hypocritically, because we do not believe in that "It's complicated" label. Aren't all relationships complicated??? And he and I scoff at those other legit-slash-not-so-legit couples out there that have admitted their "It's complicated" status.

You don't need to know that. But I'm making a point.

So anyway, in the last couple of days, he and I have been completely "qi." I forgot what the technical definition really means, but it's an Eastern philosophical thought dating back to ancient Chinese. For us, it's our way of mocking each other for "being good and zen."

Today, as I've said, we've been qi. I was telling him about a new vision I had, which would eventually become a future mission all thanks to the divine power of God. He said he'd be expecting this future accomplishment in ten year's time. And I immediately stopped him on that thought process because I already knew that I wouldn't be able to. In ten year's time, I'm still in school. Either working on my master's or PhD. Why? He asked. Because I want to learn more. But since I was in my "whatever-eh-mode," I was being funny and I told him that I wanted to do the bossing... which was true, and which made sense.

So began "the authority" conversation. Everyone experiences the bossed-around-phase. I told him that I don't have a problem with it anymore because I realized that it's one of the most inevitable things in this universe. And he admitted that he still has a problem with authority. And he complimented me on being able to finally come to terms with it. So I replied: accept it.

Hence, the little testimony I shared with him. And now I'm going to share with you.

I've been raised as a Christian, but up until recently, I've only been a Christian. Just one of the many labels that I use to describe myself. I wouldn't go far as to say that I'm a true Christian because I don't believe that there could ever be one (that sounded cynical, but that was me being logical). And I don't know what that truly entails. So, ever since I became a Christian Christian, when I finally belived that Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and Savior, and that He is The only Way to God in Heaven, I saw a vast difference in who I am now and who I was then. Even better, I feel it. And through my Christian faith, everyday is honestly a fresh new start. Everyday is a fresh new wave of learning experiences that somehow all relate, or go back, to God.

In these past few months since I have accepted Jesus Christ into my heart, I found myself surrendering to the belief that He is out there, in us, working miracles. That alone surprised me because I've always been a stubborn individual person growing up. But ever since I've seen and felt God on an intimate level, there's just this release. My walk with Him isn't much compared to what others have gone through spiritually, and what they have sacrificed for Him, but my acceptance has helped me a lot. It's helped me sort things out easily and come around quickly.

Of course, I still struggle with understanding and accepting certain things as they come. And there are others, where I'm just downright stubborn to. But I have a conviction that I will come to terms with it. I know that I will be able to accept all of things He has willed to happen in His time.

If you're also struggling with accepting things in your life like I sometimes am, pray with me. Dear God, please remind me in every small thing that I do that You are my Lord and master, and that I am only Your servant. Remind me that everything You have willed to happen in my life is all for Your purpose, and that it is for my own good. I need You to take away any fiber of stubbornness, arrogance, and selfishness inside me. Change my heart and make me a humble person so I may bring more glory to You. Lord, O God, help me and stop this struggle. I want to remain in my walk with You. Please make me accept the things I have a hard time accepting. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.