The Poor Widow

It's 11:11pm as I am starting this blog out. The lights in the house are all out except for my room's. And the entire family is already asleep--except for me of course, who is having a hard time falling asleep because my head is running with precious thoughts and pushing these strands of epiphanies would simply not work. It must all be said (in this case, digitally written) now. Or else, I will forget. Not because I'm a busy person. Not because I'm a busy person who wraps herself with when the next vacation is or who constantly runs errands that she just doesn't know when the next vacation is. It's because I know I will forget given the simple, beautiful fact that God is ever always at work in my life, my family and friends' lives, and other people's lives, that I easily fall behind with thanking Him, appreciating Him, worshipping Him, and praising Him since it takes awhile for me to get over His awesome and amazing factor as He works miracles and continuously shower us with His love and grace. Case in point: a few days ago, something happened, another spiritual enlightenment--but I don't even remember what--came to me, and I was just completely blown away. I was so amazed, I couldn't find the right words for it. I was so positively overwhelmed that I became completely speechless.

But you know what? I've come to realize that no matter how amazed we are by God's unconditional love and amazing grace, we have to take some dedicated time and sincere effort to express our gratitude towards God and show our Love for Him in return. It's the least we could do compared to what He has already provided for and given to us. That may have sounded negatively, but don't be discouraged! Why? Because although the personal sacrifices we have to make are the least we could do, they are among the best actions to glorify Him. And isn't that simple truth helpful to know? Isn't that simple truth amazing to believe in and live by?

With that piece of enlightenment, Lord, O God, I apologize for taking too long to testify some of the miracles You have been performing in my life recently, and also for taking too long to give account of the numerous gifts you have given me lately. I really am sorry. Despite knowing that You planned all of these beautiful things that are happening in my life right now, I made Your awesomeness and amazingness as an excuse. My speechless reaction had literally become speechless. And I know that that's not right because Your Holiness, Your Majesty deserves so much more. You gave me everything I needed--consciousness, time, sincerity, the things to be thankful for, a mind to engage people with, a voice to share You with--yet I allowed an excuse to overrule my personal will. And that disrespected You. That action made me sin against You. Dear God, I am truly sorry.

This week, I started reading Francis Chan's Crazy Love. And wow! It's definitely one of the best literature I have ever read. Its straightforwardness to explain God's love for us and His want of an intimate relationship with us is beautifully breathtaking. For someone who is a firm and radical Christian believer, the book is a great reminder of the mission Jesus entitled to his disciples. For someone who is a struggling Christian believer, such as myself, it is a beautiful well-crafted gift that enlightens and draws us to witness and experience more of God's perfect Greatness. It's physically, mentally, emotionally, and best of all, spiritually moving.

For example, the verses about the poor widow. Now, I don't know the full story of the poor widow, or if it's actually a story in the Bible, but I was reading Crazy Love and I came across this particular verses:

"As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts
into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper
coins. 'I tell you the truth,' he said, 'this poor widow has put in more than
all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she
out of her poverty put in all she had to live on'" (Luke 21:1-4).

Tears just trickled down my cheeks. It's so incredibly spot on!!! As I read the last couple of verses, I've never been more ashamed in my entire short eighteen years of existence. I grew up mostly self-conscious, avoiding any mortifying situations at all costs. But if I do find myself in an embarrassing circumstance, I'm one of those people who can either shrug it off or laugh it out. But in this case, it's hard to. Those last couple of verses were a simple truth that called out to me in a haunting voice, that stared at me with an intense ferocity. Subconsciously, I knew that no matter how I tried to shrug off or laugh out the shame, I knew both attempts would be unsuccessful. Hence, the tears. Plus, I just can't help but be moved to appreciate and contemplate the beauty behind the truth in those verses.

Growing up in a third world country and living close to what Filipinos would call "squatters' area," I was acutely aware of what poverty was like. Tin-roofs. Piles of wood haphazardly stacked together. Peeling wall treatments. Cluttered outdoors. Visible trash and waste. At the not-so-tender age of twelve, these sights evoked some apathetic "Whatever!" whenever I took the time to actually look at the things I was seeing around me. Living in America, however, made me realized how truly blessed and privileged I am to be right here, right now, where my family and I are living comfortably... to the point where we have things to literally spare. Goshhhhhh!

My family and I give out, as random acts of kindness, as sincere initiatives of concern, and even as dutiful efforts in the name of obligation. But how much of these deeds have we honestly and sincerely done in order to glorify God as the poor widow had?

The "poor widow" in these verses was not given an actual name. Why? By generalizing the character of the poor widow, it emphasizes our insignificance compared to God's Almighty name. By adding the "poor" adjective in front of the widow, it denotes the surface fragility of the widow. To say that she's not living comfortably is a gross understatement. She is impoverished, yet she still gives her "two very small copper coins" away. Not because she felt obligated, but because she wanted to offer it to God from the bottom of her heart. And how many of us can truly say we're like that? No one, right? At some point, in a moment, in a second, we've thought of giving up something for God in return for what He has given us. That thought occurs in a fraction of a time, whereas we spend minutes, even years, debating what to give up, and worse, whether or not we should give up anything at all. The second noteworthy thing about this particular woman is her "widow" characterization. We don't know when the woman lost her husband or for how long she had already lost her husband. But the fact is this: she is still willing to offer a gift for God despite losing an important part of her. How beautiful and touching is that? If it were us, in her position, we would inevitably grudge. We would become angry at God, question His will, as if we have the right to become frustrated at Him in the first place. And if we take a closer and much deeper introspection of ourselves right now, and compare it to the poor widow's based on Scripture, our personal experiences, observations, knowledge, and wisdom, can we truly say we're like the poor widow, who glorifies God selflessly at her own expense?

I know I'm not. And I want to change my selfish nature. I need to change it. But in order to become transformed into a "poor widow," I know I will need the Holy Spirit within me. I know I will need God's strength to overpower all my worldly-centered wills.

Dear God, thank you for introducing me to the poor widow, who sincerely and selflessly gave you everything she had to live on, despite her struggles, for Your glory alone. Thank you for showing me and letting me know that I can be like her with Your help. Lord, I ask that You hear this prayer and grant me the strength, the patience to be graceful to what You have willed to happen to me. Please come into my heart, open it, and transform me from within. It will take time, according to Your timeplan. But I have faith that this transformation will happen, that You will soften my heart and make me selfless, that You will overpower my worldly self-wills, that I will be like the "poor widow" in the Gospel of Luke who glorified You, in spite of her hardships. In Jesus's name, I pray, Amen.