Psalm 40:1

In the past few days, I've been reading a book of compiled verses, called God's Promises for Every Day. My mom and I bought it from a gift shop in the hospital she works for. It's been just sitting serenely in my mother's office area for quite some time now, unless of course I take it and randomly flit through the pages. But I haven't actually dedicated my time to reading it until recently. Now that I am finished with it, I can say that it truly added to my spiritual knowledge and understanding, as well as spiritual acceptance of who Jesus is in my life, and what the Word of God can do for us when we are in the lowest points of our lives. I highly recommend it if you want to check it out. There is no author, but the ISBN is 0-8499-6268-4 by the W Publishing Group. Forget wanting to check it out. You need to check it out! It's a precious literary gem that you could LITERALLY bring with you anywhere you go, at anytime, to remind you of God's love for us, to remind you that you will find your answers and security in Jesus Christ. And really, investing your money and your time in this book for what you will have in your life in eternity with God, is truly worth it.

So, on to Psalm 40:1. This verse says, "I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry." Now, the story behind this beautiful piece of Scripture is really simple. It reflects my relationship with God lately, especially the things He has provided for me this summer. It's been full of spiritual enlightenment, understanding, acceptance, restoration and healing. It's life- transforming, and it's relationship-enhancing. The miracles He has done in me and for me have been nothing short of beautiful. He is so merciful in His patience, and so compassionate in His love, that it has truly been exhilarating getting to know Him, and being mesmerized by everything big and small He has created, all for our characters' maturity and growth. Because of the endowed blessings this summer, not only am I able to understand my parents more, but I've come to appreciate their sacrifices, and to love them more. Because of the little 'epiphanies' that God has showed me through daily objects, nature, and other people, I am now more assured and decisive. The line between right and wrong, black and white, what is and what isn't, has never been more distinct.

During the summer, I've been afraid and doubtful numerous of times. However, whenever I call upon the Lord, to ask Him for comfort, security, protection, deliverance, and guidance, He's been there to answer and see me through every time. During this summer, I've been able to let go of a person who meant a lot to me, but also brought out the worst in me. I wouldn't have gotten the courage to go through it, if it wasn't for the Holy Spirit pushing me and telling me that it was time. And for that, I've been able to focus more on my spiritual journey. There just comes a point in our walk with Christ that we come across a fork in the road, where we have to ultimately choose between continuing our walk with God or deviating from this priority to pursue another one. Also, I got into a fight with one of my oldest and longest friends. It came to the point where I just lost my temper and patience with her, which was too much because I hardly lose my temper and patience with any of my friends at all. For weeks, I blocked her from everything. For weeks, there was just no communication of any kind. And I thought that that wasn't the way to go. Maybe our friendship had truly ran its course, but it doesn't mean that we shouldn't make amends. I prayed to God again. I asked Him to take away my hurt and pride, to soften my heart, and He did. I apologized to her, and she also apologized for the things she's done to break off our friendship. After that, I just felt good that although things could never be the same between us again, we are still grateful for the things that bonded us, and the things that we shared together. There was also that inner, serene acceptance, that allowed us to move on.

The thing that I've come to realize about having a personal relationship with Christ is, He is always there for me, regardless of the circumstances I find myself in. My only regret is really not knowing Him sooner. But even with that regret, I am still grateful that I am one of the blessed ones, blessed enough by God's grace to have known, have learned from, and have been inspired by, His one and only Son.

The Story of Creation

Growing up, I've always been enthralled with the first few chapters of Genesis, of how God created the world and of how He created us. It was awe-inspiring. The reality was, the story of creation was the only nugget of truth pertaining to God that I strongly believed in as a child. The rest of the bible stories were just other stories. Some are lost in back alleys of memory, while others remain standing firm in streets of familiarity.

Then, of course, I started hearing about these scientific notions that God did not exist, that there was no way He could have created heaven and earth, water and land, day and night, animals and plants, in seven days. And to my younger adolescent mind, that became true. But it wasn't long until I finally realized that if these people's theories on our creation were true, then why do they keep on exploring, experimenting, inventing, and innovating to continue proving themselves? So, I happily went back to the story of creation in Genesis, which remained the same for thousands of years. And I was satisfied. Don't get me wrong though. I highly admire exploration, experimentation, invention, and innovation. Honestly. I just developed a higher reverence for the Word of God. And not just that, the Bible has this gravitational pull, making me fall in love with God. To make matters better and greater, I find myself falling for Him everyday, with every new experience, with every new lesson, with every new realization.

For instance, last Tuesday, my family and I went to SeaWorld for the first time. I say first because we're going back there. I don't know when, I don't know how, but we're going back there one way or another. I had fun. I only went to three of the rides though: Shipwreck Rapids, Wide Arctic, and Bayside. Oh my goodness! How I wish we could have gone on the Bayside Ride during sunset. Oh well, next time. But it was so beautiful!!! Then, we went to all the aquariums, where I was just blown away.

There were shoals of exquisite fishes. I was just completely mesmerized because I had no idea that there were actually different kinds of fish under the sea. Really. I sound completely ignorant now, but it's the truth. And they, like the trees I blogged about previously, are just like people too! Take for example this arrogant little fellow with yellow-black stripes for scales, who swam like he owned the place. It was probably insanely mundane to him, to have supposedly intelligent human beings pointing and gaping foolishly at him and his kind. Then, there was this gracious and friendly fish, who enjoyed the attention and loved touching the glass with its puny fins. On the other side though, I feel bad for the old, lone lobster. He was such a recluse! I think he was envious of the groups of people and fishes having a merry time together though. He looked really glum.

As we were exiting the place, I couldn't help but look back. And I couldn't help realizing that those populated tanks of exhibition are a part of God's creation.

That afternoon, my parents, youngest brother and I went to the beach. I think that it was just downright madness for our part if we didn't take the chance to go. And the scene was breathtaking. Although, it wasn't like any of those blue-green waves with an orange-gold backdrop kind of painting that I was accustomed to seeing, it had its own picturesque charm. So amid delightful bouts of laughter from my mother, brother, and myself, the servants of delicate clouds dutifully covered their glorious master. And as the waves playfully knocked us down, as the sea foams embraced our bodies, I couldn't help but look up.

The people around me and myself were savoring another part of His creation... the creation that He created for us because of His love for us. And looking back at the experience, I couldn't help but feel that He was enjoying His creation in that part of the world as much as we were, if not more.

Reflecting on it now, as a young adult, we are truly blessed to have God as our Almighty Father and Heavenly Creator. Though, it saddens me that only a few among the billions of people have praised God for this gift of nature, and what's more, who have not realized that His mighty creation does not stop there. But I am reassured that in God's time, those people will recognize God for who He is, and what beautiful miracles He has done for the creation He loves so much!

Black Audi

It always strikes me funny how God reminds me, and pushes me to do the things I've prayed to Him for. Not in a comical sense, of course, because I know that He will always see me through. But rather in an astonishingly funny kind of way. The kind that gets you amused because you weren't expecting that particular divine intervention at that exact moment. It's also the kind that gets you excited, realizing that He has answered your prayers, another one of those confirmations that He is at work in your life. Furthermore, it's the kind that gives you the signal "go," indicating that God has started His part. But most importantly, it's the powerful kind of way, because not only are you assured that He is with you, but you find yourself immensely humbled and thankful that this Almighty God is actually there for you, and that He is helping you. And that is one of the most beautiful things that God has freely given us because of His love for us, which is in itself, another wondrous thing.

This is what happened to me this past few days. What makes it best and special this time is the involvement of my father. People who do not know of our history as parent and child would think that I'm a Daddy's Girl. And I guess we do have moments to prove that particular assumption; when in reality, he has this habit of reminding me that I'm the cause of his white strands of hair, a great factor of his high stress level. I never doubted that my father loves me, but because he is so strict with the rules he enforces, I forget sometimes that it's all for my betterment. And that forgetfulness and misunderstanding in my part causes most of the friction. Nevertheless, in spite of my rebellious nature growing up, my father has never turned me down whenever I ask for his help. He never fails to turn up either, to make me understand.

Like for instance, when I was fourteen, I developed a fear of heights after a friend of mine took me to Top Gun and Psycho Mouse in Great America during our graduation field trip. I guess the names of these coasters foreshadow the years of traumatizing height related experiences that followed. At Universal Studios. At Disneyland. And in both cases, my dad was there to lend a comforting arm.

Recently, however, my fear of heights haunted me once again when my mom started prodding me to drive through the 101 ramp. Hello??? She knows that I'm deathly afraid of high physical places, especially ones where I don't believe that the physical supports are enough. And in my head, I kept thinking. This was really something that bothered me. But then again, my mum has always been courageous and unafraid. At least, I've never seen her avoid something. And so, whenever I drove to church or to GCC, it was always through McDowell Rd. It was either that or I wouldn't drive at all. So, she cooperates. Anything to make me drive, which she says is something I need to do... just like math. And just like math, indeed, it was with dread that I continue to do it.

But not for long!

My dad came home last week from California. And last Sunday, he helped me overcome my fear of driving through the 101 ramp due to my fear of heights. Though I highly doubt that I would have progress at all, if it wasn't for God's help in the forms of televangelists Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer.

Sunday morning came, and the family had my favorite kind of Sunday breakfast: coffee, toast, and my mum's omelet. It started out as any other Sunday. My younger brothers playing. My parents and I sipping coffee and bouncing off questions concerning the news. At 10am, the TV autotuned to Joel Osteen's program. His message for the day was about "putting action behind our faith." I was immediately curious, and it definitely caught my attention. I got the funny feeling that it was going to be one of those experiences when I realize that God is answering one of my prayers. And guess what? It was.

As I was listening to Joel Osteen's service, I became aware that it was familiar, that it was almost similar to what my point was in a previous post (Psalm 91). He had talked about how we need to show God our faith for our prayers to come through. In other words, we need to put some action behind our faiths. In my post, I had emphasized trust. A word that is often a verb. A definite and fine example of "action" in this particular context. Needless to say that I saw it as a sign.

On the way to church, I kept replaying Joel Osteen's words in my head. Surely... surely it was telling me something? It would have been the greatest coincidence in my life, if God wasn't speaking to me at that time, a few minutes earlier. And particularly taking into account my post on Psalm 91, it was too much to simply be a coincidence.

At church, we heard another great message from Pastor Allan on the three-word-phrases that enhances our relationships of all kinds (but this is for another post). But I was still so focused on what I had heard at home. On the way back, I was still contemplating about it when I realized that it was about time that I drive through the 101 ramp. I realized that it was a test. Of my faith to God. Of my dedication and perseverance as an individual. Sitting in the car, and acting as a passenger again, I thought, I've seen both the beautiful and ugly aspects of being a passenger (as described in my previous two posts), so maybe it's time that I try the ramp--one of these days... of course. I was resolved on that. I just didn't have any idea on when it was actually going to be.

I had also thought that that was the end of that. It wasn't until my family and I arrived at home, and got ourselves situated that God gave me another sign. This time, through Joyce Meyer. My mother was flipping through the channels, when I saw the timeslot for another Joyce Meyer show. It hadn't started yet, so it was good. And I got a bit excited. It would be another enligtening and entertaining episode, as I have come to see her telecasts. The autotune notice appeared on the bottom right of the screen. My mom clicked OK. And there was Joyce Meyer, walking across her stage, greeting her excited audience.

My parents and I watched it... and bam! Joyce Meyer affirmed the sign I got my Joel Osteen's message. At that point, I was just beside myself with delight. I could barely contain my fit of giggles. The first thing she said pertained to death, "The most exciting thing about being a Christian is, what scares everybody else, does not scare us!" And this, "you know you're closer to victory, when you're facing your greatest opposition." I immediately knew that I had to face my fear of driving through the ramp 101 because of my fear of heights. I also knew that I had to try it that afternoon.

Seconds within my resolution, I asked my dad if we could go to town and practice my driving. And about four, my parents, younger brother and I went out. Our destination was nothing special, just off to the gas station. I said my prayers, but even then, I knew that I was going to be calm soon. I repeated Psalm 91, and I became reassured. So, I half-told half-asked my dad if we could drive through ramp101. I feel comfortable driving with him after all. And he was the one who comforted me years earlier when I had to face my fears. He told me he didn't mind. I was the driver, so it was up to me. My father practically just gave me an invitation to go to anywhere I wanted. But I kept my concentration. I didn't take advantage.

Twenty minutes later, we were on I-10. I drove through the ramp, confident, comfortable, and reassured. As I drove through the ramp, on what seemed to be its highest part, I was captivated by the sky. There were light pinks, soft oranges, and modest golds. And I thought... WOW. I was letting myself miss that beautiful scene because of my fear of heights. What a crazy notion! I couldn't also help noticing how the clouds were puffier and fluffier. It was truly a glorious and majestic sight!

I finally made it through the ramp. I could have exited and drove home because I was done, and I had conquered my fear, but I told my dad firmly that I was going to drive some more and go to church.

On my way, I profusedly thanked God. It was only because of Him that I was able to conquer a fear. He saw me through like He said He would. He guided my hands. He directed my thoughts. He gave me the inner calm and the presence of mind I had begged Him for. But it wasn't just that. Not only did He fulfill His promises in Psalm 91, but provided me more than I'd ever humbled myself to ask.

God made me realized how much my father and I mean to each other, a concept I've honestly been struggling for some years. God also made me realized how much I revere my mother, an idea I've been questioning--whether I wanted to revere her or not--for a while. And more importantly, God gave me a better understanding of how much He loves me, how much He understands me, and how much He knows me.

The funny thing is, I hadn't expected the faulty-engine-black-Audi to bring me to that destination... the truth I've been wanting to experience for the longest time.

God's Other People

The main reason why I love being a passenger of any car going through loop 101 is the line of trees found along the interstate. My mother and I were driving through a different main road from a wedding, when I had realized that the trees were enchanting to look at. I realized then that the crowd of trees in line throughout the interstate 101 were even more beautiful and mesmerizing to look at.

They are just like people. Old and young. Careworn and blooming. Tall and short. Thin and Fat. Some trees stood haughty and mighty, while others were fragile, frightened, and vulnerable. There are lovers with their caressing branches, parents and children caught in tender affection, and silly friends clasping hands together. And of course, there are the ones that commanded loyal servitude, that sneered at other trees' misfortunes, that fiercely stood in its place with an oppressive charm.

And I wonder. How many other passengers can see the same faces of humanity in these trees? How many other are appreciative of the simple pleasure these green-dwellers provide for us? And truly, how many of us are sincerely grateful to God for giving us the lives we have, simply being able to witness a few of God's creative works?

When we were young, we capture these trees through our imaginations. Sticks of brown and Whirlpools of green. Dots of other bright colors here and there. When we get older, we learn how trees are alive. We learn that just like us, they too, are living. But how many of us understand that they are people too?

God didn't just gave us the raw materials for some of our basic needs, but He gave both of our kind--people and trees alike--something more deeper to relate to with each other. Something that was only made possible through Him, the Creator of us all.

And so through my days of silent fascination and reverence, I had continued to learn more, from the few population of graceful trees in loop 101, of God's love, grace, and beauty.