This is what happened to me this past few days. What makes it best and special this time is the involvement of my father. People who do not know of our history as parent and child would think that I'm a Daddy's Girl. And I guess we do have moments to prove that particular assumption; when in reality, he has this habit of reminding me that I'm the cause of his white strands of hair, a great factor of his high stress level. I never doubted that my father loves me, but because he is so strict with the rules he enforces, I forget sometimes that it's all for my betterment. And that forgetfulness and misunderstanding in my part causes most of the friction. Nevertheless, in spite of my rebellious nature growing up, my father has never turned me down whenever I ask for his help. He never fails to turn up either, to make me understand.
Like for instance, when I was fourteen, I developed a fear of heights after a friend of mine took me to Top Gun and Psycho Mouse in Great America during our graduation field trip. I guess the names of these coasters foreshadow the years of traumatizing height related experiences that followed. At Universal Studios. At Disneyland. And in both cases, my dad was there to lend a comforting arm.
Recently, however, my fear of heights haunted me once again when my mom started prodding me to drive through the 101 ramp. Hello??? She knows that I'm deathly afraid of high physical places, especially ones where I don't believe that the physical supports are enough. And in my head, I kept thinking. This was really something that bothered me. But then again, my mum has always been courageous and unafraid. At least, I've never seen her avoid something. And so, whenever I drove to church or to GCC, it was always through McDowell Rd. It was either that or I wouldn't drive at all. So, she cooperates. Anything to make me drive, which she says is something I need to do... just like math. And just like math, indeed, it was with dread that I continue to do it.
But not for long!
My dad came home last week from California. And last Sunday, he helped me overcome my fear of driving through the 101 ramp due to my fear of heights. Though I highly doubt that I would have progress at all, if it wasn't for God's help in the forms of televangelists Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer.
Sunday morning came, and the family had my favorite kind of Sunday breakfast: coffee, toast, and my mum's omelet. It started out as any other Sunday. My younger brothers playing. My parents and I sipping coffee and bouncing off questions concerning the news. At 10am, the TV autotuned to Joel Osteen's program. His message for the day was about "putting action behind our faith." I was immediately curious, and it definitely caught my attention. I got the funny feeling that it was going to be one of those experiences when I realize that God is answering one of my prayers. And guess what? It was.
As I was listening to Joel Osteen's service, I became aware that it was familiar, that it was almost similar to what my point was in a previous post (Psalm 91). He had talked about how we need to show God our faith for our prayers to come through. In other words, we need to put some action behind our faiths. In my post, I had emphasized trust. A word that is often a verb. A definite and fine example of "action" in this particular context. Needless to say that I saw it as a sign.
On the way to church, I kept replaying Joel Osteen's words in my head. Surely... surely it was telling me something? It would have been the greatest coincidence in my life, if God wasn't speaking to me at that time, a few minutes earlier. And particularly taking into account my post on Psalm 91, it was too much to simply be a coincidence.
At church, we heard another great message from Pastor Allan on the three-word-phrases that enhances our relationships of all kinds (but this is for another post). But I was still so focused on what I had heard at home. On the way back, I was still contemplating about it when I realized that it was about time that I drive through the 101 ramp. I realized that it was a test. Of my faith to God. Of my dedication and perseverance as an individual. Sitting in the car, and acting as a passenger again, I thought, I've seen both the beautiful and ugly aspects of being a passenger (as described in my previous two posts), so maybe it's time that I try the ramp--one of these days... of course. I was resolved on that. I just didn't have any idea on when it was actually going to be.
I had also thought that that was the end of that. It wasn't until my family and I arrived at home, and got ourselves situated that God gave me another sign. This time, through Joyce Meyer. My mother was flipping through the channels, when I saw the timeslot for another Joyce Meyer show. It hadn't started yet, so it was good. And I got a bit excited. It would be another enligtening and entertaining episode, as I have come to see her telecasts. The autotune notice appeared on the bottom right of the screen. My mom clicked OK. And there was Joyce Meyer, walking across her stage, greeting her excited audience.
My parents and I watched it... and bam! Joyce Meyer affirmed the sign I got my Joel Osteen's message. At that point, I was just beside myself with delight. I could barely contain my fit of giggles. The first thing she said pertained to death, "The most exciting thing about being a Christian is, what scares everybody else, does not scare us!" And this, "you know you're closer to victory, when you're facing your greatest opposition." I immediately knew that I had to face my fear of driving through the ramp 101 because of my fear of heights. I also knew that I had to try it that afternoon.
Seconds within my resolution, I asked my dad if we could go to town and practice my driving. And about four, my parents, younger brother and I went out. Our destination was nothing special, just off to the gas station. I said my prayers, but even then, I knew that I was going to be calm soon. I repeated Psalm 91, and I became reassured. So, I half-told half-asked my dad if we could drive through ramp101. I feel comfortable driving with him after all. And he was the one who comforted me years earlier when I had to face my fears. He told me he didn't mind. I was the driver, so it was up to me. My father practically just gave me an invitation to go to anywhere I wanted. But I kept my concentration. I didn't take advantage.
Twenty minutes later, we were on I-10. I drove through the ramp, confident, comfortable, and reassured. As I drove through the ramp, on what seemed to be its highest part, I was captivated by the sky. There were light pinks, soft oranges, and modest golds. And I thought... WOW. I was letting myself miss that beautiful scene because of my fear of heights. What a crazy notion! I couldn't also help noticing how the clouds were puffier and fluffier. It was truly a glorious and majestic sight!
I finally made it through the ramp. I could have exited and drove home because I was done, and I had conquered my fear, but I told my dad firmly that I was going to drive some more and go to church.
On my way, I profusedly thanked God. It was only because of Him that I was able to conquer a fear. He saw me through like He said He would. He guided my hands. He directed my thoughts. He gave me the inner calm and the presence of mind I had begged Him for. But it wasn't just that. Not only did He fulfill His promises in Psalm 91, but provided me more than I'd ever humbled myself to ask.
God made me realized how much my father and I mean to each other, a concept I've honestly been struggling for some years. God also made me realized how much I revere my mother, an idea I've been questioning--whether I wanted to revere her or not--for a while. And more importantly, God gave me a better understanding of how much He loves me, how much He understands me, and how much He knows me.
The funny thing is, I hadn't expected the faulty-engine-black-Audi to bring me to that destination... the truth I've been wanting to experience for the longest time.
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